Growing Flowers from the Ashes of Rejection

Maybe the beautiful spring blossoms have inspired me to write about something that has been on my mind for awhile now: how to love yourself and start fresh, after significant pain or loss. Heartbreak and rejection can be some of the most difficult emotions to overcome. I have personal experience with these challenges, and have also seen many people I love go through similar pain.

How can we love ourselves through and in spite of rejection? This rejection and heartbreak could come from many aspects of life, not just from romantic relationships. We can feel heartbroken from failures or weaknesses, rejection from family, friends, jobs, or God. I think all of us have dealt with many forms of rejection and heartbreak, and it can be really hard to make it through the day, let alone feel like we love ourselves, when we are struggling with severe pain.


I am still learning. I am in no way a heartbreak expert. However, I felt inspired to share five tactics that have helped me overcome significant losses in my life.

1) Never stop praying.
There are times when I've felt lost and alone, and frankly, angry with God for the hurt I was experiencing. I felt tempted sometimes to stop praying, because it didn't seem to be helping things go the way I wanted any way. However, we should always keep communication with God open, no matter how angry we are. Prayer through heartbreak has helped me to develop humility and a greater ability to trust and submit to God's plan for my life.

2) Don't force yourself to just "get over it."
Everyone experiences grief and loss in different ways, and too often we think there should be a specific timeline for getting over it. That isn't true. Obviously, at some point sadness can be debilitating and it may be time to get extra help, but it takes time to get over things. Don't beat yourself up if you take longer than some of your friends to move on.

3) Don't be afraid to get help if you need it.
I regularly ask for prayers and support from my friends and family. If you don't feel like being alone, don't be shy asking for company. If your sadness extends for a long amount of time, and starts to have a negative effect on your ability to function, don't be afraid to look into therapy or medication. Sometimes traumatic experiences can trigger depression or anxiety. It is nothing to be ashamed of, and there is help available.

4) Do nice things for yourself.
Maybe that means taking a bubble bath, going to bed early, having a girl's night out, or getting a pedicure. Doing things we enjoy can help so much when you feel sad or discouraged. I've learned through personal experience that watching Downton Abbey for six hours may feel like a great idea when you're heartbroken, and it does help numb the pain temporarily, but it doesn't really do any good in the long run.

5) Remind yourself of your worth.
When someone has rejected you, it can be so hard to feel loved, beautiful, wanted, and worthwhile. However, when we are going through pain it is more important than ever to remind ourselves of these things. Your worth does not diminish based on someone else's perception of you. Put positive notes on your mirror, have friends or family write a list of things they admire about you, and tell yourself you are beautiful several times a day if you need to. Positive thinking can go far in getting rid of negativity, and remembering that even when one opportunity has gone, there is so much beauty and joy ahead.

Heartbreak and rejection have shaped my personality, given me empathy and compassion, and helped me come closer to the Lord. He is always there for us, even when the hurt doesn't go away immediately. You are worthy of love and acceptance, and you are already loved and accepted by God. Remember that.