I'm Not Sorry

 

Statistics have shown that women apologize 30-40% more than men. Okay, I totally made up that statistic. But seriously, the percentage is at least that high in my experience, if not higher. The purpose of this post is NOT to bash on men, believe me. I love men. Basically I'm just making a point that as women, we typically apologize a lot more than we need to.

How many times per day do you apologize? Just come up with a rough estimate. Now, how many of those apologies were actually necessary? How many of those apologies occurred when you had actually done something you needed to say sorry for?

Let me be clear: apologizing is not a bad thing when we've done something wrong. It is an essential part of any successful relationship to say sorry when we are in the wrong. But when is it not good to apologize? Any of the following scenarios:

- Before asking a question in class or church or at work
- For taking up space on a bus, train, table, or in a hallway
- For having a different opinion from someone else
- For not wanting to do something
- When you have a valid excuse
- To avoid necessary or healthy confrontation
- For having needs
- For being emotional or having feelings
- For taking care of yourself
- For saying NO
- For not taking someone's advice
- For being yourself
- For existing

I'm betting that many of us have offered apologies for many of the above reasons. I'm also betting that most of you could add at least ten more things to this list. Here's the thing: apologizing excessively can make us feel like a victim, like we are being walked on, like we don't deserve to have an opinion, or that our valid actions or words were unacceptable. So, think before you apologize! You don't need to be sorry for making yourself heard, standing out, loving yourself, or being yourself.

Here is an interesting article about why women apologize so much: Why Women Apologize Too Much