Don't Go Changin' . . .

One night when I was in high school I had a vivid dream in which I found out that the boy I was currently crushing  was obsessed with chopping wood. In my dream, I began to feverishly attempt to learn how to chop wood, because I wanted so badly to be the type of girl he wanted to date.

When I woke up, I laughed. Upon further reflection however, I realized that the dream wasn't all that far off. At the time, it felt incomprehensible that a guy would like me just how I was. I was constantly analyzing what type of girls guys were interested in, and trying to figure out how I could be more like those girls. One of the main factors always seemed to be thinness. I just knew that the only way I would ever get a guy to like me would be through losing significant amounts of weight.

In spite of my greater confidence and the years of working and healing that have brought me to where I am today, nine years later, I still occasionally fall into the trap of feeling like I have to change myself in order to deserve or obtain love. Even now, I find myself thinking things like "oh, he would never be interested in me," or "he wouldn't date me unless I was more ________" (fill in the blank--outdoorsy, spiritual, beautiful, academic, etc).

Additionally, when we find out that someone maybe doesn't reciprocate our interest, it can be so easy to fall into a negative mental dialogue of all the reasons why they don't like us. Here's what I have finally realized: When we try to change ourselves, or put on a show as to who we are, we don't end up attracting those who would actually be compatible with us. 

We should always be striving for growth and positive change, and honestly, change will come whether we strive for it or not. We should never feel pressure to change ourselves for someone, or worry that we aren't lovable or worthwhile just how we are. This is one of the hardest lessons that I am still trying to learn--that I am worthy of love. Too often we feel we have to be perfect before we deserve love, but that is absolutely untrue.

The best way I've found to be happy is to learn to love myself--to accept myself and acknowledge my strengths as well as my weaknesses, and to be authentically myself. When we are happy and confident with ourselves, not only will we attract people to us, we will be better able to love others and, along the way, empower other women to embrace themselves as well.