Celebrate Small Victories

 Celebrate Small Victories! 

This week, I was reminded of the importance of small things. Often I get so caught up in all the things I'm not doing, or should be doing, or want to do, or have to do, that I wind up feeling like an unaccomplished lump. Yes, lump. I'm always grateful for small moments throughout the day that help me remember the good things I'm accomplishing, and also to remember that doing small things that make me feel good, happy, rested, connected to God, or beautiful can make a big difference.

I am going to try to be better at creating and celebrating those moments, because life is short, people. This blog post is also going to be short, because I'm in the throes of finals week, and I got less than four hours of sleep last night. I did, however, go to all my classes today! Huzzah! Small victories!

One other thing that makes me happy is celebrating with other people. I remember in Junior High, when I first entered public school, after announcing a good grade I got on a test, another student said "oh man, I hate you." That seemed super harsh, and also just not a happy way to live. I always try to be happy for other people's happiness.

I love the idea of writing small victories on sticky notes. Because I love sticky notes. 

Body positivity is all about small victories. Our mindset and our outlook changes one thought, one step, one compliment, one day at a time. So give yourself a pat on the back, and don't overlook all the small things you do to make your own life and the lives of others more beautiful! I guarantee you are doing much more than you realize.

And here is a Gandalf quote. Just because. 

Don't Go Changin' . . .

One night when I was in high school I had a vivid dream in which I found out that the boy I was currently crushing  was obsessed with chopping wood. In my dream, I began to feverishly attempt to learn how to chop wood, because I wanted so badly to be the type of girl he wanted to date.

When I woke up, I laughed. Upon further reflection however, I realized that the dream wasn't all that far off. At the time, it felt incomprehensible that a guy would like me just how I was. I was constantly analyzing what type of girls guys were interested in, and trying to figure out how I could be more like those girls. One of the main factors always seemed to be thinness. I just knew that the only way I would ever get a guy to like me would be through losing significant amounts of weight.

In spite of my greater confidence and the years of working and healing that have brought me to where I am today, nine years later, I still occasionally fall into the trap of feeling like I have to change myself in order to deserve or obtain love. Even now, I find myself thinking things like "oh, he would never be interested in me," or "he wouldn't date me unless I was more ________" (fill in the blank--outdoorsy, spiritual, beautiful, academic, etc).

Additionally, when we find out that someone maybe doesn't reciprocate our interest, it can be so easy to fall into a negative mental dialogue of all the reasons why they don't like us. Here's what I have finally realized: When we try to change ourselves, or put on a show as to who we are, we don't end up attracting those who would actually be compatible with us. 

We should always be striving for growth and positive change, and honestly, change will come whether we strive for it or not. We should never feel pressure to change ourselves for someone, or worry that we aren't lovable or worthwhile just how we are. This is one of the hardest lessons that I am still trying to learn--that I am worthy of love. Too often we feel we have to be perfect before we deserve love, but that is absolutely untrue.

The best way I've found to be happy is to learn to love myself--to accept myself and acknowledge my strengths as well as my weaknesses, and to be authentically myself. When we are happy and confident with ourselves, not only will we attract people to us, we will be better able to love others and, along the way, empower other women to embrace themselves as well.

What Can My Body DO?

As much as I hope to always portray an attitude of confidence and self-love, I still have bad days. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, the negative voices come back, and I feel unsatisfied with my appearance. Sometimes, when I'm up late at night and obsessing over my body, I'll pin a bunch of weight loss tips on pinterest, only to feel worse afterwards.

I'm guessing many, if not all of you, can relate to this. We all have bad days where we just feel unhappy with our bodies, and therefore feel worthless. Something I try to remember in these times is to focus on what my body can DO, not just on what my body LOOKS like. Think about it. Our body can do absolutely amazing things!

 

Our bodies are one of our greatest gifts from God. They are beautiful, amazing, marvelous homes for our spirits. I can run, jump, skip, dance (in a manner of speaking), eat, play, sing, talk, sleep, swim, grow, learn, think, hug, smile, laugh, and countless other beautiful and marvelous things. My body enables me to help others, to offer comfort, and one day, hopefully, have a family.

When setting health goals, I always try to have them be focused on health, not appearance. Focus on what you can DO, BE, and BECOME, not how you look to other people. Accepting and loving our bodies is possible for all of us, when we take time to appreciate and honor our body for all it can do. You have so much more to do and be beyond what you look like. 

I'm Not Sorry

 

Statistics have shown that women apologize 30-40% more than men. Okay, I totally made up that statistic. But seriously, the percentage is at least that high in my experience, if not higher. The purpose of this post is NOT to bash on men, believe me. I love men. Basically I'm just making a point that as women, we typically apologize a lot more than we need to.

How many times per day do you apologize? Just come up with a rough estimate. Now, how many of those apologies were actually necessary? How many of those apologies occurred when you had actually done something you needed to say sorry for?

Let me be clear: apologizing is not a bad thing when we've done something wrong. It is an essential part of any successful relationship to say sorry when we are in the wrong. But when is it not good to apologize? Any of the following scenarios:

- Before asking a question in class or church or at work
- For taking up space on a bus, train, table, or in a hallway
- For having a different opinion from someone else
- For not wanting to do something
- When you have a valid excuse
- To avoid necessary or healthy confrontation
- For having needs
- For being emotional or having feelings
- For taking care of yourself
- For saying NO
- For not taking someone's advice
- For being yourself
- For existing

I'm betting that many of us have offered apologies for many of the above reasons. I'm also betting that most of you could add at least ten more things to this list. Here's the thing: apologizing excessively can make us feel like a victim, like we are being walked on, like we don't deserve to have an opinion, or that our valid actions or words were unacceptable. So, think before you apologize! You don't need to be sorry for making yourself heard, standing out, loving yourself, or being yourself.

Here is an interesting article about why women apologize so much: Why Women Apologize Too Much

Emotional Eating: Balancing Act

So, I have a history of emotional eating. This will not be an easy post for me to write, because, in all honesty,  it is something that I'm still working on. My eventual goal is to find a balance in my eating habits that is healthy physically and emotionally. This is a balancing act I am still trying to walk.


For almost as long as I can remember, I have used my eating habits as a way to feel better emotionally. Sometimes this entailed eating food, and sometimes this entailed NOT eating food. Neither approach is a healthy one.

The time that I have had the healthiest relationship with food was on my mission, because I just wasn't thinking about it all that much. I was busy from literally 6:30am until 10:30pm every day, and food was just a part of life. It was fuel that enabled me to keep going, and it was the occasional treat. However, food was usually the last thing on my mind.

me on my mission, so happy and NOT stressing about food!

At other times in my life, I have thought about little else besides food. What I would eat, how much I was eating, and whether or not I could eat a meal/snack/dessert based on how much I had already consumed that day. It became an obsession.

The time in high school when I was dieting and at my thinnest, I was also regularly skipping meals and it got to the point where not eating made me feel better, like I was in control. When I did eat, it was carefully portioned amounts, based on how much I felt I deserved based on my eating behavior that day.

We have all seen in movies and TV shows, the girls after break-ups eating ice cream from a giant tub, with tears running down their faces. This scenario has been a reality several times in my life, and I can attest to the fact that it doesn't help for long. The rush of sugar made me feel better temporarily, but it didn't last, because it wasn't a real solution. It was a quick fix, that more often than not, made me feel worse after because of the associated food-guilt.

This brings up a point that I've made before, that we are less likely to take care of our bodies when we feel bad about ourselves. Cramming down the junk food to feel better or skipping meals to feel better are both unhealthy habits, and frankly, I'm worth more than that. We all are.

I think it is all about balance, and finding what works for us and makes us happy, and helps us feel like we are taking care of our bodies. For me, this means indulging now and then in cupcakes, but it also means striving to eat healthy the majority of the time. I'm going to continue try and not let my emotions dictate my eating habits. There are better ways to feel better than eating a tub of ice cream or skipping meals. Food can and should be an enjoyable part of life, a blessing, and a way to fuel your beautiful body. Honor your body, love yourself, and treat yourself well.You deserve it.

For more information or help with eating disorders, check out the link below.
http://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/about-us/

Also, check out some past posts related to this topic:
http://bethanyjoybrown.blogspot.com/2015/03/food-is-not-enemy.html
http://bethanyjoybrown.blogspot.com/2015/02/why-im-not-trying-to-lose-few-pounds.html

Coming to Terms with my Height

 I haven't always loved my height. I shot up to my current height of 5' 10.5" right around 8th grade, which was also the first year I attended public school. The junior high I went to was small, with only about 350 students total, and I was by far one of the tallest people at school, including most of the teachers.

For an impressionable, somewhat awkward, still developing thirteen year old, standing out so much was devastating. The astute observation, "you're tall..." was said to me at least twice a day every day. Not only was I tall, I was definitely more developed than most of the girls. My friends were jealous of my bra size, but I felt self-conscious all the time. I wanted more than anything to be shorter and smaller.

#TallGirlProblems 

Most of the boys in my grade looked like I could babysit them. Some seemed to regard me with fear and awe. After creaming a boy in a class arm wrestling competition, I didn't feel happy and proud, I felt like a freak. Not only that, but finding clothes that fit in the styles my friends wore was nearly impossible. I hated that I couldn't fit into the clothes in the juniors section, and that finding stylish jeans long enough was but a faint and impossible dream.

Going to a bigger high school, as well as gaining more self-confidence, made some of my height insecurity go away. I still remember, though, one time that I wore high heels to a church dance. I didn't get asked to dance once the entire night, and my fifteen year old self vowed bitterly to never wear heels to a dance again. 

Soon enough, however, I began to see some perks in my height. I had several opportunities to get things off the top shelf at the grocery store for cute old people. I found that it wasn't so bad after all to stand out. I started shopping more and finding clothes that fit that I felt pretty in, and realized that having a tall, curvy body was a blessing, not a curse. Just in the last year, I started wearing high heels when I want to. I actually enjoy feeling tall and strong. 

 It took a long time, but today, my twenty five year old self wishes I could tell that insecure thirteen year old girl that she should love herself more. It isn't bad to stand out. Height, weight, curly hair, straight hair, thin figure, curvy figure, thin figure... it's all good. Our physical characteristics are just a part of us, and we can embrace and love them all. The only person you need approval from is yourself.  

We should all throw our shoulders back and proudly present who we are to the world. We should all stand tall no matter our height! We are all beautiful, powerful women capable of doing great things. Don't let something as silly as your height keep you from sharing yourself with the world. 

Loving Your Love Handles: Fighting Damaging Beauty Trends

I love my love handles. In fact, I love my waist and hips, too. I'm proud of my curves, and the unique shape and contour of my body. It's MY body, and I refuse to hate parts of myself just because someone tells me I should.

Various parts of women's bodies are under attack. The part of body deemed offensive by society changes. Love handles, tummies, and thighs seem to be the most recent parts under scrutiny. I remember when I was younger, there was an obsession in the media with having abs. Products and workouts to achieve a flat, toned stomach flooded the market.

Later, love handles also became an issue. If you have ANY extra fat or skin on your sides, you better get rid of those suckers in any way possible. I have even seen so-called "thinspiration" on Pinterest that says "Friends Don't Let Friends Have Love Handles," which is just absurd. Love handles are basically the least important quality I can think of when choosing friends.

More recently, thigh gaps became the desired trait. Never mind that it basically requires a specific bone structure to achieve a thigh gap without starving yourself, thighs were suddenly not allowed to touch anymore.

Plastic surgery is more and more common, with much higher rates among women than men.
Breast enhancement has been an ever growing industry for ages (no pun intended), and women are putting themselves through major surgery, often for purely cosmetic reasons.

Believe it or not, ever since the increasingly risque Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Editions, there is now a surgical procedure called "vaginoplasty." Yes, really. It seems that no part of a woman's body is safe from scrutiny, or the surgeons knife.

My purpose of this post is NOT to shame any woman who has undergone plastic surgery, or anyone who works hard to achieve their fitness goals. Not in the slightest! I believe every woman should be able to do what she wants in order to feel good and powerful and beautiful.

I just hope that before we, as women, can learn to not objectify ourselves. I hope that we can learn to love and appreciate our bodies for the amazing gift that they are, instead of picking them to pieces in self-objectification, shame, and hatred. I hope that any woman, before making the choice to have cosmetic surgery, will seriously consider the reasons behind it, and know that she is beautiful, loved, worthwhile, and powerful no matter what--and that really, our appearance has so little to do with who we really are and what we can accomplish.

Every woman deserves to love and honor her body, love handles or not. In fact, I'm evidence of the fact that, with work, you can learn to love your body, no matter what anyone else says. I know you can do it, too. And it is so worth it. Life is more fun and more beautiful when we love ourselves! And when you love yourself, you give other women permission to love themselves too.

For more information on recognizing the harmful body messages from the media, check out beautyredefined.org. It has been a powerful resource in recognizing and fighting the war against women's bodies.